Sunday, July 27, 2008
I decided to use by blog again as a way to express feelings. My thoughts on this post hopefully aren't as depressing as the last time I decided to vent, but some thoughts I will admit are sad for me.
I have been thinking a lot about my dad the past few days, and have really been missing him. I miss that he is not here for me to ask random questions to, or to help me feel better when I am feeling down. I am sad that we aren't able to share the happy and exciting experiences we are having with him. I am sad he hasn't been able to see Ellison at all, and has missed out on her entire life here on earth and that he missed Ryan's wedding. It is sad to think that he will never know mine or Ryan's and some of Brad's children.
Kam has told me multiple times that Heavenly Father knew that my dad could help us more on the other side than he could here, and irionically enough, soon after he passed, I started having all my issues. I know he is around and is aware of everything that is going on with us, but it's not the same as having him physically here. On the upside, he lived a great life, all his children look up to his example and have tried to model their lives in the way he lived his.
I will say that one of my sweetest memories of him was actually the last time I saw him. Kam and I were in the midst of moving to Mississippi and I really wanted my folks to come along, however knew they would never go for long hours in a car, driving across country. That's when I had a great idea...dangle the idea of Nauvoo in front of him to entice him. I knew I could talk my dad into more so than my mom, and he could talk her into the idea. So, I presented the idea to him, and he bit! He and my mom flew out and we met them in Nauvoo. We spent 2 happy days in the small town with them. I was anxious to get to Mississippi so we could meet the moving truck and get the drive over with, and my dad kept trying to talk us into staying another night. I wish now I would have. Right before Kam and I took off to get to Mississippi, I said goodbye to my parents and thought to myself, "what if this is the last time I see them?" I quickly dismissed the thought, and then said to myself, "don't be so silly, you will see them at Christmas." I hugged my parents and then watched them walk into the Nauvoo temple to do a session. That is the last memory I have. I am greatful that the last thing I saw my dad do was participate in a temple session.
I have been thinking a lot about a surgery that may or may not happen. Whenever I over do it (exercise, work, whatever), my leg will start to hurt. Well I just so happens that I have overdone it, and my leg is hurting. I am so over this and am really needing a reprieve. Would you guys think I am crazy to look forward to surgery? Well I do, if it means that pain is alleviated! I am going to try to make an appointment with the surgeon in September and hopefully he will tell me he can slice and get this thing taken care of!
On happier thoughts, I have been thinking a lot about Young Women. I feel that if I just get in there and love the girls, everything will fall into place. I am however, concerned about all the activites, the amount of time it takes and all the other little details. I have such awesome counselors, so I know that we will be successful, I guess it's just this whole getting used to the change in calling thing. I will say this, I already love the girls, and am constantly thinking of ways to show them we care about them, to help them make good choices. We are having a super Saturday on August 9th that I am looking forward to taking the girls to.
I have been thinking about Ellison's first birthday. It's coming so soon and I can't believe my little 5 week early, 5 lbs. 11 oz baby is almost a year old! I know I still have a month and a half, but I have been trying to figure out exactly how to celebrate the occasion, when, etc and I think I have a good bit of it figured out and to be explained in later posts. I am going for a jungle theme (sort of like her unfinished bedroom!), and I will be great!
Weight loss is also something that is constantly on my mind. I have sort of been keeping a food journal, and was on a really good exercise program, but am taking a small break while my leg hurts. I am only about 5-7 lbs away from pre-pregnancy weight, however I want to loose an additional 7 lbs off of that, so I am still around 12-14 lbs from my goal. I lose about a pound a week, but then when I have to stop because of my leg, it seems (of course) to creap back on. Anyhow, still trying to figure that one out!
The last thought I have is that I am excited for our upcoming t rip to D.C. to visit Kam's parents and hopefully see my cousin Shelli and her little fam. I am excited to see all the landmarks and visit some great museums. I know I am a total nerd, but I love historic, and/or educational landmarks, and D.C. is chuck full of them! I am psyched to take it all in!